Friday, April 30, 2010
Take a break from the hustle and bustle of life
Had audio production class today, was introduced to the CF Recorder and Audio Pro Tools. It was really fun! Since it is only the first class, I can't be sure if this will be my forte or I am suited to be a DJ. However, I realised that my voice is tremendously low compared to typical girls. It sounded pretty boring and monotone due to the low pitch. Guess I shall up my pitch next time.
Did some sound recording with Monica too! And, it has been such a long time that I haven't been singing that my pitch and key were all off. Horrible voice, but good attempt. Cheers to Monica, she sang quite well. Her voice is pretty influential when she sings, there's this..I don't know what it's called, maybe vibration? That adds in lots of feelings to the songs she sang.
After that, met up with Marcus to chill at City Hall. Poor him, he chose to join me even though he's still sick when he could go home straight after his revision. Really thank him a lot actually. Brought him around Waterfront to see the Merlion, yes he has never been to the waterfront much less see the Merlion there before. Had great talks about art and the Moon too! He's really an interesting guy who has lots of hidden talents. He seems to be one who is trained to have both the rough and gentle skills and is able to balance them out.
Went to the roof terrace, heard a bit of the performance there. But it wasn't really to my liking cause I prefer to listen to live band performances. I mean those typical ones with guitar, keyboard, and drums. Saw a great handful of photographers taking pictures. And actually, I realised that Marcus had great potential in Photography. I chose not to say anything, since he is still at the beginning stage of learning to take photos rather than going straight into Photography. But his keen eyes of details especially colours, and crafting pictures, makes him a natural talent in Photography..Teehee.
Laid on the grass carpet to look at the clouds and stars. Very relaxing, but not at all efficient. It is really a spot for one to stop brooding over whatever troubles he or she has, but totally not for one to sort out his or her thoughts. We talked a lot there. Like what he usually does, and the monstrous training sessions he has underwent and in fact, going to undergo. Those were seriously scary ones. Hardcore training. We even imagined what objects are the clouds taking forms of. There were owl, heart, smiley face, Casper and etc.
Went home really late and as expected, Dad wasn't pleased. Oh well oh well, I believe that I have come to an extent that I am learning how to forgo kinship so that I would no longer be so mindful of their feelings and be stubborn and wilful about my own ways. So many people have been telling me, "Eileen, don't worry so much. You are thinking too much. You gotta think about yourself first, cause when things happen, people will only care for themselves before others."
But if only, I can let go just like how I was in the past. Or maybe, I need to resume back to my icy princess personality before I can be back on track. On the other hand, am I so extreme that in the past, I was so icy. Now, I'm too fiery?
PS: Some of the photos were taken by Marcus. Hehe :D
10:53 PM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
the ups and downs will lead to new beginnings
Many said that life is barely smooth-sailing. In my opinion, the term 'smooth-sailing' is very subjective. People who are brought up in protected environment rarely or perhaps never met obstacles in their life. Well, in this post, I do not mean those small kinds like maybe a PMS quarrel with friends or some wilful persistence with parents to go according to what the children want. I mean, those vicissitudes of life, those challenges that are specially put for us for us to learn, grow and gain experience.For me, I come to realise that I am born in a protected environment. I wasn't allowed to do some things cause is dangerous. My parents don't want me to take on certain path and etc. Thus, I haven't experience much failures before. I do experience, but is all minor ones I guess. How big can my failure get when I compare mine to all the people struggling for survival every day or even every minute out there. They might not even have protection, they might only have themselves to depend on. At least, I have a roof over my head and sufficient food to keep me alive. In fact I have an oversupply of food that I snack far too much than I should eat. Thus, I would say that my life is smooth sailing and I haven't been through much. Boring life I have, I know...
Then, it all seem like a sudden wake up call as I was chatting casually with my friends. I was awaken about life. It was like as if I was escaping from living life for quite a long time, in simple terms escaping reality? And of course, the most crucial person that woke me up will be Marcus. I used to think that he is a crazy extremist. Trust me, he really likes to do extreme stuff that not many normal people have the guts to do. Now that I come to think of it, without these extremes, I won't be able to find out what I really want in life, be it what my goals are and what I neglected.
Almost 18 years of my life seems to be meaningless, or maybe not. I won't say all 18, cause my secondary school is one of my turning point that result in the Eileen that people (I should say more to the Poly people, since most of them only know me after my change in sec school) are seeing today.
I felt that there are so many things out in the world that I have missed out. There were so many opportunities to explore, to spice up my life, but I wasn't able to cherish. There were times I was sent to art classes but I gave up within 2 years. Reason being, I wanted to sleep. What a stupid reason to give. Maybe during that young age, it is normal for kids to protest so that they can sleep. But now, I really regret. It was the only skill that I was able to polish since a young age of 8. I wasn't allowed to have music and ballet classes, but I had art classes as a compromise. Yet, I gave it up. That would be one of my most regretful choices I suppose.
Time would not wait and life will continue to go on, whether one likes it or not. During my secondary school, there were changes in my life, I topped my secondary one class, and was the fifth in the level. Within a year, I fell hard from my glamorous peak. My memories for that period time has started to fade, all I could remember was in that year, even though I excelled in my academics, I wasn't happy at all. Everyday back then, was depressing, I spent countless of night crying myself to sleep.
After that, I met this marvelous teacher who didn't give me up. She was no other than my favourite Chinese teacher, Miss Christina Chin. She was also my Guitar Ensemble teacher. She was the one who gave me many, many opportunities and groomed me to be an all-rounder. Other than making me realise that Chinese was my forte, she made me discovered that I have a gift of gab. Guess what, she really helped me developed my gift! Ever since meeting her, I have been the best candidate for Chinese Oral in my school. In addition, she helped me in participating media-related competition (DV Campus) and that was when I found my passion in performance and media industry. Since then, I became determined to enter the showbiz.
Moreover, she groomed me with great extents and efforts. As she was my Guitar Ensemble teacher, she sorta 'saw' some leadership in me. She sent me for Leadership Training camps and made me the Assistant Treasurer followed by Vice-President of the Guitar Ensemble. Those times in Guitar Ensemble were also one of my most enjoyable moments in Dunman. Seriously speaking, without Ms Chin, I am nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Those were the good old times. All the Up-s of life, joyful, together with much pride and passion. Not long after, I was so drained from the mundane everyday routine. I was so exhausted emotionally that I sink into sadness again. Sadness is a really creepy mode to be in. My heart ached quite often and tears just flowed non-stop. I began to lose my goals in life and turned to wasting even more of my life away. That was a really terrible state to be in.
Now, suddenly, I felt re-lived. After being aware of the tons of things that I missed out, I am inspired again to live life to the fullest. I want to have a taste of anything and everything that I can. No longer want to waste my precious youth away, especially in the state of sorrows, I decided to catch up on all the things that I missed, AND to do all the things that I want to. That is going to be a lot. Although I'm not sure if I can complete everything that I hope to do within such a short frame of time, I want to at least give a try. I am willing to re-believe that anything is impossible as one is willing to try.
Shall remind myself frequently:
Impossible is written as I-M-Possible
6:43 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Monday, April 26, 2010
Quality time
It has been a while since I updated my blog, was having fun these few days; or I should say enjoying life to the fullest. This is gonna be a super long post as I combined several days of activities into a post.Saturday:
Went for service in the morning, was late again (I was on time for the Pastor's preach though). After service, stayed a while to hear the guys playing guitar and talking with the rest of them. The guys were really pro in guitar! I'm so envious. Can totally differentiate our various levels of passion towards music. Although we each learnt guitar for several years, they can play so much better than me! What have I been learning and how much I have been practicing...
Chatted with the girls too:) Followed by buying Cheese Pancake from the stall, Pancake King opposite Church. The cheese was so rich that every bite of the cheese pancake was awesome. No wonder there were so many news articles recommending that stall. Really worth it! After buying pancake, the girls rushed back to church to board the bus to support the participants for bible quiz (held at some other place which I got no idea where). Meanwhile, I make my way to Sentosa for the Mass SLs outing.
Reached Sentosa - Palawan beach - at 4 plus and met Nicholas on the train. Initially, I didn't know his name, only know that we are both going the same way since we are wearing the pink SL t-shirt. Also, I almost didn't want to go in fear of meeting too many people who I don't know cause in the facebook invitation, there wasn't many people I know were going. Thus, I was really afraid that I would be very lonely there.
However, I was absolutely wrong. Not only did I made many friends, I had tons of fun! I managed to try many things. Honestly speaking, just by going to Sentosa is a new experience for me. The last time that I went to Sentosa was like how many donkey years ago?
Over there, we played a bit of volleyball. That hurts my wrist totally and I suffered from blue-blacks all over my right wrists the very next day. In addition, we tried Frisbee too. For a start, we played like just some basic passing around, laughing at each other whenever the Frisbee went off target or someone did some cute reflex actions when catching the Frisbee.
Then, more people came to join us for Frisbee. Eventually, it turned into a friendly match of Ultimate Frisbee! Fun ttm! But, it really test your stamina. The area to run was oh my tian. I spent 95% of the time running and only managed to hold on to the Frisbee for less than 5 min for the total game? Great sports to test endurance and to slim cause of the running most of the time.
It was washing up time after getting ourselves dirtied with sweat and sand. Originally, we wanted to bathe at the Tourism Academy at Sentosa. However, sit was inaccessible. Therefore, we walked further and found empty cubicles and went to shower inside. That place turned out to be a private place which was supposed to be out-of-bounds for us. Ah well, got a scolding from the management people there. Quickly, we finished showering and met up with the rest of the SLs who bathed at other places near the beach.
Bought MacDonalds and ate at the open area at Vivo City for dinner. As usual, we sit there to chill, be it talk cock, camwhore and come out with cranky ideas. Again, poor Joel was chosen to be the victim again. They carried him all the way to the small pool at the open area and put him down, his whole back was totally wet. After that, he took 'revenge' on I think Gerwyn, who got it much worst. Reason being, Gerwyn wasn't wet with pool water nor plain water. He had a mixture of leftover coffee from Starbucks diluted with water and a bit of cream poured. The mixture was poured directly at him! Eww, dirty...Well, many funny things happened actually, too many to be listed in fact. But Joel's and Gerwyn's incident was one of the most unforgettable one for me.
Sunday:
My very first cell outing for my new cell group! Oh wee~
We met up for bowling at Marina Square. And, I seriously think that I am not suited for bowling, more than half of my game ended with with 0. Yes, Z-E-R-O! All went into the drain. Oh my tian, it was embarrassing ttm can...It was not surprise that I had the lowest score but ah well...
My cell was invited for dinner with cell 4 at Shabu Shabu. I supposed it was somewhere near Marina too and thus they thought of combining both the cells. But Shabu Shabu was far too expensive for Uli and I. Hence, as the only girls left after the game, we went SHOPPING!
Shopping with Uli was marvelous. Both of us are so fickle-minded in deciding the things that we wanted to buy. And, we were so engrossed in shopping that we kept on trying whatever that appeals to us. As a result, we couldn't decide what we really wanted to buy. After shortlisting, Uli decided to give up her Zara shirt, while I decided to give up my brown Bohemian bag. But till now, I am still thinking about it. I really, really liked the bag, but I do not have any spare money to buy luxury items now. My expenditure in school is shooting far too high and I still have so many things which I have not achieved.
Nevertheless, there is always a fatal pitfall when it comes to shopping, particularly for girls. For us, is makeup. We went crazy over the make up. Upon drying one of the concealer from the brand Make Up Store (I think it is the name of the brand, cause I cant find other names on the packaging. It seems to be an imitation of Mac products), we instantly lost control and thoughts of our finacial budget. Immediately, we looked for our skin colour and bought the concealer. LOL!
Monday
That's today! Super shagged, due to the long duration of classes. I have class from 9am - 7pm every Monday now. That's crazy, it's only the first day of the week and it is such a draining schedule. I was dozing off during my Public Speaking lecture. Luckily, I was sitting at the corner. Keith and Leroy fell asleep. I think the lecturer saw us sleeping, just that she didn't bother to wake us up.
Met up with my Sentia group mates for dinner! It was quite...funny? We were supposed to meet at 6 but most of us only started to gather at 7, cause most of us had lectures till 7 today. Dom came to drop by and say hi to us. After that, as we were chit-chatting and decided to make our way for dinner opposite school, he walked us to the bus stop and bid us goodbye cause he was too tired from SIP.
The remaining handful of us went opposite school to eat. We all ordered Astons and caught up with each other, more ice breaking within us. I think it is more for ice breaking for me, cause most of them are from the Business Course, as in Business Studies Grouping except, for a minority of us. I am of the minority. Still, I feel that it was a nice dinner to have, chilling at the Jurong East coffeeshop. It has been so long since I am so contented with a laid back gathering with friends. I seem to understand why people say it is not the quantity but quality, especially time spent together with people you care and want to care.
Overall, I feel that these few days is as if full blast recharging of me emotionally. The feeling is so much more amazing than having ample rest. In the past, I used to think that if I have ample rest, I will be refreshed and able to get on with life . Now, I realised, no matter how much one's physical body is recharged, it serves no purpose unless you feel charged emotionally. Even with a powerful body but weak spirit, there is nothing much one could do. One would only be in the state of sadness and despair, or maybe just lazing around and wasting life away. On the other hand, a recharged spirit gives you drive and determination to drive you in achieving your dreams. You seem to be able to feel the fire of passion burning within you, telling you to go for what you want so that there won't be any regrets.
These few days of quality time spent has indeed recharged my spiritual body so much more than the long holidays spent. I am really shocked with myself about the things that I thought through these few days as compared to the meaningless long semester holidays. Well, it's time to be back on track. Here I come, re-inspired to live life to the fullest as I can.
6:46 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Monday, April 19, 2010
First day
School has started! And I am officially in Year 2. No longer a freshmen, but a Junior. This year, I got my first choice of elective - Broadcast Performance - as a result, I chose to give up Chinese Newswriting which seems pretty easy at first glance...Aw :(Anyways, Broadcast Performance was pretty fun. We did quite a few exercises on diaphragmatic breathing. I realised I need to work extra hard for it cause I seriously lag behind. Lots of homework to be done!
After that was Basic Media Research (BMR) lecture. Total boredom. It is another super theoretical subject, just like Media and Society. Oh my goodness. Just sitting in the lecture for 2 hours felt like don't know how many days...
Again, in CMM, a project-based course in Business School, has MANY MANY GROUP PROJECTS. Whenever this happens, all the class politics will show. There is no exception for 2C01. Well, there were tons of complications arising in terms of dividing ourselves into groups. Shall not mention the long story, cause lots of people are involved. The conflict is still in the midst of solving. Shall pray hard that everything turns out for its best. Things gotta turn out fine before everyone can get on working with our projects eventually right?
Well, really hope for miracles to happen. Please happen...
7:45 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Games Night
Sneaked off to church for Games Night. (I guess many of you have known by now that I am ALWAYS going to church discreetly against my parents objection)For Games Night, we played many of our Primary School games. There were hopscotch, Marco Polo, Pick Up Sticks, Eraser Fight, and this other game that 2 people have to pass the 'ball' to each other using 2 strings.
Starting of the game was Marco Polo. Thankfully I was never the Marco, I hate to be blindfolded to the core. I played pretty hard, kept dodging the Marco. Many people were screaming as the Marco was coming in our direction. Meanwhile, I learnt something about myself again. It was exactly like what the guest said in "我爱黑涩棒棒堂" (a Taiwanese variety show) when discussing about Horoscope. Libra-ians are typically "知死不知走", literally meaning we know that danger or even death is approaching us, and yet we won't move or escape. There were a handful of times when I was standing so near to the catcher that I was about to get caught and yet I stood there, not moving much away from him. Fortunately, no one decided to sacrifice me to the catcher. If not I would have been caught for quite a number of times. Just that no one wanted to push me to the catcher and hence I wasn't caught.
After that, we played eraser fight at the other classroom. Initially, I suck at that. I rarely was able to flip my eraser nicely on my opponents. However, I got better and better and I managed to eliminate a small number of my opponents. Leonard was super good at it! He was winning several times at a go. We even played with Pastor Ben and Pastor Ben was a pretty fast learner too!
Next, I joined Bernice, Mandy, Michael they all at the game of Concentration and R-O-C-K. I even brought in the TP culture of Concentration game. A more...'hiong' version. Or maybe I would say higher stake version. And yea, I realised that it can be quite rude cause we will go "___stupid, ___stupid, this is a game of ____stupid." at the person who lost. I wonder if it sounds offensive to them after suggesting that.
For the Finale, we played Pepsi Cola. Yes, the one whereby you aim for your opponents legs, particularly knee and below. At the start, I didn't want to play cause I felt that watching would be a better choice, more entertaining. However, there was a team which lacked a player and thus I joined in.
Zhen Ming was really pro. He managed to kill many all by himself. He was always the last few survivor of his team to be left fighting to win. As for me, my first move shocked everyone cause I killed Shane at the very start of the game when I can kill. That really put me in the limelight I supposed, as everyone was clapping and cheering for me when I killed Shane.
Complacent sure leads to one's downfall. For the final round, I was the first one to get killed instead! I don't know the name of the guy who killed me. But in short I actually gave him the chance openly to eliminate me. Reason being, I completely forgot that he was standing behind me. Thus, I did not defend against him at all since all the while I was concentrating on the people in front of my vision that I forgot that there were opponents behind me.
In the end, the finals of Pepsi Cola was only left with Zhen Ming, Mark and Davin. While, Mark won in the end, it was a bit of 'putting water' to Mark. Cause Mark played a bit unfair, he usually attacks when people are talking. So it was like secret attacks? Or was it called backstab? But oh well, it was only a game...
It was getting late and I had to rush back home to prevent the arousing of suspicions of my parents. Even so, I still chose to pamper myself with MacDonalds - McWings meal for dinner and supper. Yea, I haven't had dinner for the day until I bought MacDonalds as takeaway. McWings is seriously my all time favourite meal. I am addicted to it after having it for the first time. Simply delicious! Awesome!
9:32 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Friday, April 16, 2010
business 2k10
Our CMM flag...
At the Olympiad...
Business Champion Flag!
From left: Zaxe, Jane and Me
The Business Champion Flag...
This Freshmen Orientation sure ain't easy to run. Being a good facilitator (in this case Synergy Leader aka SL) is not as easy as it seems. Totally fits the cliche saying " Sometimes, when you see others do, the task seems simple. Until you start to do it yourself, you realised how difficult it was". Perhaps is the nature of CMM - quiet especially during school events. Apparently, this batch of Freshmen are unusually quiet during the Orientation.
Shall start on my awesome class 1C03. Btw, I met some of my juniors back in Dunman Secondary School. They are: Alexandra, Iris and Titus. Hmm, I've only seen Alexandra before, cause she came for some guitar practices back in Dunman. Meanwhile for Titus and Iris, I have never met them back in school before. Even though the cheering by the class were soft, I am glad that they made an effort to cheer at the very least. Some Freshmen couldn't even be bothered to cheer at all. They are considered the guai guai kinds (hope that they will remain like that as time passes, cause CMM can be pretty havoc at times) and I really appreciate their efforts, friendliness and their respect for me. At the very least, they made an effort to inform me that they need to leave early or couldn't make it. However, 1 thing that I hope that they will pick up along their Poly life is to project their voice. They are so soft-spoken. And they are in CMM, where communications is the main part of what we do and thus we die die must be able to speak up, loud and clear. Please speak up more 03!!
Generally, for day 1, like other previous Business School Orientation, we had talk at TCC, followed by meals and games. We played some ice-breaking games, Battle of the Sexes. In addition, we learnt the TP Mass Dance and the cheerleading dance that was to be performed for this year's Regartta. Not only that, we even went to the Sports Complex to form the number '20' in memorial of TP's 20th anniversary. The freshies get to meet their Care Person too! Guess what, the careperson for my class was Mr Ignatius Teo, is going to take me for my Semester 2.1 module, Basics of Entrepreneurship!
For day 2, freshies get some time to interact with their Care Person, get their timetable, matriculation card and student handbook. After that there was refreshments and briefing by their respective Course Manager. After lunch, it was the start of Inter-School games, which is Olympiad and Regartta. It was really tough for us as SLs. The freshies are totally not hyped up! TOTALLY!! We cheered till our voices went hoarse and they actually had no response! Wth..Luckily, in Olympiad, Business School was leading by a margin of 10 points.
As for the Regartta, oh my. It was freaking, freaking stressful for us, as Leaders. All of us thought that Engineering School was going to be the overall champion for this year. Seriously, all of us. The freshies were simply...I don't know what to say. I got no idea if I should even call them spoilt brats a not. On the other hand, Engine school freshies were so enthusiastic, we can even hear them so clearly on our side and mind you, we were sitting at extreme end with each other. Yet, we can hear them cheer. How loud and how enthu must their freshies and leaders be to have such a volume. No matter how much we tried to get our Freshies to cheer, our efforts were all in vain, less than half were cheering in fact. And, they kept complaining about small things like toads once jumped on a particularly grass patch and stuff. I felt like slapping them on the spot.
Well, we lost our 5 consecutive Championship for Regartta (only this component) cause this time, Engine school have really professional dragonboat-ers. They have both the National and School team to take part! However, we managed to maintain our 6th consecutive championship as the OVERALL SCHOOL CHAMPION. I must say, this championship came really by luck. We were not very active during the Regartta cause the only thing we could see was the dragonboat race and nothing else. We can't even hear what the emcees are talking at our side cause we are at the most extreme side. Boring and tiring. And cause of the location allocated, our morale was even lower. Can you imagine, how 'loudly' the Freshies were cheering when our morale was high? It was even 'louder' at the reservoir. There were barely noise coming from Freshies at my side. Furthermore, this year, Engine school had put in tons of efforts. Really a lot, more than what we imagined. They had loud cheers, professional dragonboat-ers, props to create noise as they cheer etc ( er, their props were mainly those thingy that one blow air into it to make it firm and knock it against each other to create noise. I think it is something that can be found in the goody bag for our National Day Parade yearly) Thus, I would definitely say that our overall championship won was by luck.
Our long cheer...
Business, who make you high?
Business, business we so zai,
We so zai we make you high,
Si bei si bei si bei high
High until we make you cry
How we gonna make you cry
5,6,7,8
We will, we will squash you like a hum ji beng
Never let you rise again
Business school ar business school,
Own ar own ar own 6 times
Business school ar business school,
Win ar win ar win 6 times
Hey, hey business
What's up
Can you do this? Can you do this?
Ba ba la ba ba la ba hey!
Om ji ji om ji, om ji ji om ji
Go back jump, Go jump go
Business, business here we go
Look see, look see
All you people look at...
Business!
Oh oh oh business! Oh oh oh business!
Ohhhhhh......
We are from business we don't fall,
We are from business we can roar,
So you people better crawl,
We will make you lose somemore,
6 times 6 times more more more,
We will always win you all,
Fight lai fight qu zuo shen mo,
Bu yong fight dou ying liao lol
For what, what for?
For what, what for?
For......BUSINESS!!!
Business, 2k10, always on the go ar woo!
9:20 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wowsome
Shall condense 3 days of activities into 1 post- cause these 3 days I have been at Youth Alive (an annual youth evangelistic event for Jurong SDA). For this year, the main theme of the event is known as Wowsome God.Before I break down into the 3 days, I shall say my general thoughts and feelings before I forget.
Firstly, this is the second time I attend this event. I was brought in cause of this event. Really big thanks to Leroy who brought me in. I really have many new experiences and joy after joining you guys. Also, I feel that thanks to you guys, I think I am getting to know myself better. However, for this year, instead of being a guest, I am the photographer! It is another first time for me, taking photos out of assignments.
Day 1 - Friday.
It is the very first day of the event and I get to use the 5k camera that the Pastor borrowed. Awesome camera, superb built-in. 18-200mm zoom lens, 2 shutter buttons to take potrait and landscape shots respectively, in-built flash. OMG. Really cool! But super heavy. I was very stressed up while holding the camera. Not only I felt restricted by by the weight, I was very stressed up while holding such an expensive camera.
Thus, for the first night, I took considerably few photos as an event photographer. And yea, they kinda suck.
The programme for the first night seemed to be customized for me! Pastor Ben talked about astronomical grace. Wow, a night of outer space, be it galaxies, speed of light or atoms. The content totally reminds me of the day when I was out with Marcus at East Coast. Both of them said similar contents. It was really a night of enjoyment. Wowsome!
Day 2 - Saturday
This night was even more, amazing. I met Shaun from I-guides! Is so unbelievable. I met someone I know! It turns out that he is Cheryl's cousin. So coincidental right? There's also a skid acted out by Kenneth and I think Mark or Shane. I exchanged camera with Leroy cause the Nikon 5k camera was so heavy that I woke up today with both my arms aching. Salute Leroy for able to handle such a heavy camera. Fortunately, the photos were so much better.
The debriefing took quite long this night. A handful of us started to joke around while waiting for it to end and go home together. We started teasing Shaun and making fun of him, calling him horse. LOL right. And we wanted to walk to the MRT station together. I ended up accompanying Kenneth together with Shaun cause he had $182 worth of 1-dollar coins to deposit. When he was depositing, we can hear the loud noises of the coins falling into the thingy that counts the number of coins there is. There is even a charge per coin! I can't remember if is was $0.02 or $0.75...
Day 3 - Sunday
Last day of Youth Alive, very exhausted. Everyone seem to be on a 'low battery' mode. I was very lost today in setting a theme on the photos to take. It was quite quiet, and suddenly I felt that there wasn't much to take. Very lost. But oh well, still took some photos with the help of Joash in the macro shots of food and guidance from Leroy. Totally no confidence in the photos for the last night. Apologies for the lack of professionalism ethics, but I really didn't put in my best tonight. It was like taking for the sake of taking and spamming the photos in Joash's camera.
These 3 days of Youth Alive really made me think a lot. I won't include them in this post before I turn this into another thousand words boring essay. But in short, I think that there are some decisions to be made. I can't run away any longer. It's not gonna be any good at this rate. But making decisions really ain't my thing. As a Libra-ian, I am so used to be in the balance that I usually refuse myself to be thrown off my comfort zone.
In addition, I realised that I have psychological barrier when it comes to photography. Like very, very obvious, especially after comparing my photos with Leroy's. Maybe that's the greatest difference between an extrovert and introvert? Or maybe that's my personality? Or there is a hidden fear in which even me myself aren't clear about? But in a nutshell, I think that it is quite a great psychological barrier and it is greatly affecting in the quality of pictures I am taking. After viewing the photos I took, I realised I really, really suck at Photography. I kinda realised that. Seeing the photos that I take, I only have a comment for them which is "the pictures suck" and of course, the main reason is me - there is no way a sucky photographer can take good pictures. Apologies to Youth Alive for using me as your photogrpaher. Really sorry, that I didn't do a good job in shooting. No wonder I couldn't score in Photography in CMM. Got a damn C+ for it. But look on the bright side, I cleared the module afterall. Maybe that's a hint that I shouldn't do Photography afterall...
10:06 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
time to move on
Have been slacking at home for the past few days. Occasionally, I would go out for dinner and mini shopping on my own. Thus, have been thinking a lot for this period of time.I have the urge to commit to something new, like picking up a new interest or something like that. I got no idea why. This voice in my mind keep telling me that I shouldn't waste my life away, and I need to do something meaningful and beneficial. Or maybe even to add colours to my boring life. Well, Marcus told me that is cause I have been feeling empty inside, which I can't exactly tell for myself.
But, think again, school is starting, and that means tons of things to do, especially they said that year 2 will be our busiest time in CMM. Other than school, I still have to manage between church and family. It is hard to compromise these 2. Is like, I am not at all confident that I will be able to balance these well once my school starts. Church and family seem to be like fire and water, I sorta know that it is impossible to have both and yet I want both, refusing to give either up.
Several ideas came to my mind too. Some of them include, looking for a job to get extra income. Even so, the job must allow me to do it discreetly so that my parents won't find out since they strongly object to me working and studying at the same time. I was tempted about photography and was considering to buy a DSLR. However, an afterthought never fail to come immediately - I cant exactly hold a DSLR due to my shaky hands, which means I won't be able to take good photos. Moreover, if I were to buy a DSLR, I might as well invest the money on my braces first which is so much more practical.
Besides, I feel like taking up extra classes, maybe drawing, singing, dancing etc. However, I don't think that I have enough money to allow myself to learn constantly. My bank account is almost dried by now, and I money is flowing out instead of rolling in. Guess, my topmost priority is to get myself additional incomes. No money, no talk.
All of a sudden, I feel like I need to try a lot of things. I feel so, turtle sometimes.. There are so many things out there to be attempted but I never tried them. But is thinking of having so many commitments a good thing? Or would I be drained totally after some time due to the hectic schedules? Even so, I believe that one thing is for sure - I no longer want to waste my time away. I want to explore as much as I can, I WANT TO LIVE LIFE!
10:01 PM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
Sunday, April 4, 2010
everlasting 293 gang~
Finally, I get to meet up with my secondary school clique, aka the 293 group. Reason being, we used to take bus 293 home together during our secondary school times.
Some of them went to watch movie before that, but I only joined them for dinner cause I was out in town before that. Come to think of it, I totally forgot to take pictures while in town, was too engrossed shopping...
We had dinner at Pasta Mania. Some had pastas while the others ate baked rice. Caught up with each other and shared some jokes..Gees, really really lame jokes.
After dinner was dessert at Frolick. Thanks Ann Gie for the free yoghurt cause of the vouchers and Ivan topping up the $2! ^^The strawberry topping was really sour btw, having it with the Passionfruit yoghurt was really...I don't know what to say, cause both are sour. So is like sour + sour = extremely sour? Took some pictures there and after that those JC people went home cause they have school the next day. Thus, Ann Gie and I continued to walk around cause it was still early.
We walked around Tamp 1 and Tampines Mall as we talked. Accompanied her to buy sweets to soothe her throat. Then, we went to KFC due to my sudden craving for popcorn chicken. After that, we walked home and we still continued to talk about our school life. Man, so much things have happened recently. Not to say the whole 2 semesters, just like a few weeks? Or maybe the later half of the semester, there's already so much about it.
Anyways, really thankful for the 293 group. I am really honoured to have you guys as my friends. Is like we have really stood by each other since our secondary school times and till now we are still together. You guys are really, really awesome!! ^^
11:40 PM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen
