Many said that life is barely smooth-sailing. In my opinion, the term 'smooth-sailing' is very subjective. People who are brought up in protected environment rarely or perhaps never met obstacles in their life. Well, in this post, I do not mean those small kinds like maybe a PMS quarrel with friends or some wilful persistence with parents to go according to what the children want. I mean, those vicissitudes of life, those challenges that are specially put for us for us to learn, grow and gain experience.

For me, I come to realise that I am born in a protected environment. I wasn't allowed to do some things cause is dangerous. My parents don't want me to take on certain path and etc. Thus, I haven't experience much failures before. I do experience, but is all minor ones I guess. How big can my failure get when I compare mine to all the people struggling for survival every day or even every minute out there. They might not even have protection, they might only have themselves to depend on. At least, I have a roof over my head and sufficient food to keep me alive. In fact I have an oversupply of food that I snack far too much than I should eat. Thus, I would say that my life is smooth sailing and I haven't been through much. Boring life I have, I know...

Then, it all seem like a sudden wake up call as I was chatting casually with my friends. I was awaken about life. It was like as if I was escaping from living life for quite a long time, in simple terms escaping reality? And of course, the most crucial person that woke me up will be Marcus. I used to think that he is a crazy extremist. Trust me, he really likes to do extreme stuff that not many normal people have the guts to do. Now that I come to think of it, without these extremes, I won't be able to find out what I really want in life, be it what my goals are and what I neglected.

Almost 18 years of my life seems to be meaningless, or maybe not. I won't say all 18, cause my secondary school is one of my turning point that result in the Eileen that people (I should say more to the Poly people, since most of them only know me after my change in sec school) are seeing today.

I felt that there are so many things out in the world that I have missed out. There were so many opportunities to explore, to spice up my life, but I wasn't able to cherish. There were times I was sent to art classes but I gave up within 2 years. Reason being, I wanted to sleep. What a stupid reason to give. Maybe during that young age, it is normal for kids to protest so that they can sleep. But now, I really regret. It was the only skill that I was able to polish since a young age of 8. I wasn't allowed to have music and ballet classes, but I had art classes as a compromise. Yet, I gave it up. That would be one of my most regretful choices I suppose.

Time would not wait and life will continue to go on, whether one likes it or not. During my secondary school, there were changes in my life, I topped my secondary one class, and was the fifth in the level. Within a year, I fell hard from my glamorous peak. My memories for that period time has started to fade, all I could remember was in that year, even though I excelled in my academics, I wasn't happy at all. Everyday back then, was depressing, I spent countless of night crying myself to sleep.

After that, I met this marvelous teacher who didn't give me up. She was no other than my favourite Chinese teacher, Miss Christina Chin. She was also my Guitar Ensemble teacher. She was the one who gave me many, many opportunities and groomed me to be an all-rounder. Other than making me realise that Chinese was my forte, she made me discovered that I have a gift of gab. Guess what, she really helped me developed my gift! Ever since meeting her, I have been the best candidate for Chinese Oral in my school. In addition, she helped me in participating media-related competition (DV Campus) and that was when I found my passion in performance and media industry. Since then, I became determined to enter the showbiz.

Moreover, she groomed me with great extents and efforts. As she was my Guitar Ensemble teacher, she sorta 'saw' some leadership in me. She sent me for Leadership Training camps and made me the Assistant Treasurer followed by Vice-President of the Guitar Ensemble. Those times in Guitar Ensemble were also one of my most enjoyable moments in Dunman. Seriously speaking, without Ms Chin, I am nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Those were the good old times. All the Up-s of life, joyful, together with much pride and passion. Not long after, I was so drained from the mundane everyday routine. I was so exhausted emotionally that I sink into sadness again. Sadness is a really creepy mode to be in. My heart ached quite often and tears just flowed non-stop. I began to lose my goals in life and turned to wasting even more of my life away. That was a really terrible state to be in.

Now, suddenly, I felt re-lived. After being aware of the tons of things that I missed out, I am inspired again to live life to the fullest. I want to have a taste of anything and everything that I can. No longer want to waste my precious youth away, especially in the state of sorrows, I decided to catch up on all the things that I missed, AND to do all the things that I want to. That is going to be a lot. Although I'm not sure if I can complete everything that I hope to do within such a short frame of time, I want to at least give a try. I am willing to re-believe that anything is impossible as one is willing to try.

Shall remind myself frequently:


6:43 AM By Tan Yi Ling Eileen

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